I’m sure I’m not alone in this…
I have a serious question to ask all the writers. This isn’t a post for sympathy or compliments so please don’t see it as such. I was in two minds as to whether to write it at all. Then I decided, hell, it’s a genuine appeal for advice and feedback. If people think I’m looking for aforementioned items, then stuff ’em. Writing is a lonely business and sometimes, you need your peers to tell you what you might be doing wrong.
I’ve been writing in the genre now for three years and when I first started I was on fire. I wrote all those books you saw released. I couldn’t wait to get home from work and pick up my laptop and write. Weekends weren’t spent with family or friends. I wrote. I was passionate, manic to the point everything else came second. Including people. And food. I lost weight because I couldn’t be bothered eating. I never watched TV. I went to bed at 12, 1 am every night. I had DRIVE for God’s sake. I was a demonic writer, obsessed, OCD to the point of being committed.
Now? Now I find it a chore to pick up my laptop when I get home and write anything. I find excuses not to. I feel a sense of dread contemplating what to write next. It’s not writer’s block because the ideas are there, they just need formulating into sentences. But I’m not. There, I mean. I’m not in the same place I was a year ago. And I really want to know why, what’s changed that my day is now one where I come home from the day job, plop down on the couch, watch some telly, do some social networking stuff but do anything than pick up my laptop to write. I go to bed much earlier than I used to, read a while, then drop off to sleep. Once I’m committed to writing, the words come and I write until I’ve had enough. But I’m worried, and frustrated and scared stupid. I want to be that me again, the one who had fire and passion and came to bed at 1am still full of ideas. So, tell me, please tell me, I’m not the only one that sometimes goes through this…and that it will all be okay. Because the alternative is too scary to contemplate. #BurnOut #MojoLoss
I have book deadlines to meet and I will do it, come hell or high water. I’m truly excited about my next project, ‘Sight Unseen’, a book I’m collaborating on with actor Nicholas Downs. We have plans to get this story published, then develop as screen play together and hopefully get this story to film. It’s exciting as hell and I am so looking forward to it. This book is my current priority. I need to focus and get it written. Nicholas deserves that much.
I’m busy writing Survival Game, which is Kyle and Eric’s story, another book in the Men of London series. This one won’t be forthcoming soon, like the others, but it will appear sometime in 2017. There may even be another one after that, Callum’s story.
I’ve got my gothic horror steam punk romance in the works, I have an idea for a new series which travels the world and is a rather a different take on a popular TV programme and I have a potential Rock Star book I’m dying to expand on.
So, to achieve all this, I just need to find my OOMPH!! Does anyone out there fancy kicking my ass to stop whinging so I can find my inner demon again? Or tell me I’m not alone, they’ve been through this too?
Hah. I’m sure you’d all line up to slap me stupid, or box my ears though. Take a number, and mosey on down. I look forward to it.
I haven’t written any fiction worth a damn since Readwave shut down. I have my blog to keep me going. I’ve got ideas bubbling, but I wrote so much stuff in my first three years I ran out of steam too.
I’ll not patronise you and say it’ll come back, because I don’t know.
I’m afraid I don’t have any answers for you, but I do have one or two questions/suggestions.
Is it possible that your reluctance to write now is the result of your subconscious trying to force you to find some sort of balance? What I mean is, obsessive writing could well result in total burn-out, including loss of new ideas, if you keep it up for long enough. Maybe you just need to find a new routine, and like every other change in life(style) getting used to a new normal takes time and the transition is going to feel weird. Maybe if you struck a deal with yourself that for, let’s say the next month, you ‘force’ yourself to write five out of seven evenings but no later than till, I don’t know, 10 you could find a balance between writing and the rest of your life and as a result find your happy while writing again too.
You’re definitely not alone. In my case, I think part of the problem is this darn nine-book contract. I don’t know what it’s like NOT to write under a deadline any more, and I’ve been building up to this book, and the one after it, for four freaking years now. The ideas all feel old, and I have to keep reminding myself that they aren’t old to my readers. Plus there’s the discouragement of dreadful sales (which I have the option of blaming on either dreadful writing or dreadful marketing, and I choose to assign responsibility to the latter). And I feel like I’m being slowly smothered by my Evil Day Job, at which my quota has been steadily increasing every month for the last year, beyond my ability to meet without working 10-11 hour days, with an hour each way in commuting time tacked on). Oh, and my son’s father dove headfirst back into a bourbon bottle (fourth relapse) and drank himself into the emergency room because he claimed I was neglecting him for my writing. Like you, I feel like the stories are still there, still fun, still exciting — it’s just getting AT them that’s the issue. I feel like there’s a corner waiting to be turned, just ahead — but no matter what I do, it still seems to be just ahead….
For sure you are not the only one. I love writing. LOVE it. I’ve got ideas. Lots of them. Hell, I already have covers, tags and blurbs for most of them, including several series. My day job changed almost a year ago, and it was a good change, I needed it., but I also think it drains me a bit. By the time I come home, I’m tired and don’t want to write. I get the “force yourself to sit down and write” mentality. 1000 words a day mantra. But either the words just don’t come or they are utter utter crap and a total waste of my time. So, I too find excuses. And before I know, it’s time for bed.
I know what I need – somebody above also suggested it. I need to find a routine that works for me rather than trying to force myself into a routine that others suggest. I’m just haven’t found it yet. I will. I know that. And that, as well as my love for it is what keeps me moving forward, even if it’s only a handful of words a week at the moment.
You have my sympathy, for what it’s worth, because I know how horrible that feels. And I can’t imagine how much more horrible it must be to have deadlines looming. *hugs* I’m not writing much at the moment because other parts of my life have taken over my time and energy and time spent writing feels self indulgent. I could get up at 4 am and try to fit in a few hours before my husband gets up, but I’m just too tired to do it. I can browse, do a bit of social media stuff, but the peace and quiet to really concentrate is a thing of the past. So my situation is completely different to yours.
Have you tried a different method of writing? I love writing first drafts by hand. They are like a very filled in outline with all the best bits of action and dialogue set out. It makes second drafting much quicker. A really nice spiral bound notebook, so it lays flat, and a bic propelling pencil with an eraser on the end or a comfortable pen if you feel confident. Just lovely. Or if you have one of those fancy phones with all the bells and whistles you could try telling yourself the story and recording it. Sometimes the change in method was enough to get me over a tricky bit [usually a sex scene 🙂 they are like pulling teeth for me].
One of the other commenters pointed out the risks of a real burnout and you can’t risk that. Just give yourself permission to have a rest. That might be what you need.
Subconsciously you may have reached a comfort zone. If so, there’s lots you can do to get out but that might mean shaking things up a bit in your day to day routine.